My experience ‘getting off’ it for good!

Main sits in darkness, light of phone illuminates his face.
Main sits in darkness, light of phone illuminates his face.
Image by KristopherK

Ground rules.

“Rule 1 — No pornography or material that even loosely resembles it.”

First and foremost you cannot consume anything pornography related. This means no porn (the obvious kind), no nudie mags, no erotic stories, no Instagram hoes! Nothing that could be used to stimulate, and self-gratify.

“Rule 2 — No running of highlight reels.”

Masturbation is okay, however you are not allowed to run a “highlight reel” of pornstars you’ve seen in the past. You are allowed to imagine the woman, or women (if you are so inclined) you are currently sleeping with.

“Rule 3 — Masturbate no more than once or twice a week.”

Limit ejaculation to once or twice a week to ride the testosterone wave. If you have a girlfriend or are dating this can make for some very satisfying sexual experiences whilst gaining the positive effects of sexual transmutation during the week! (Sexual transmutation to be discussed later). Note my rationale for adopting this rule came from this study.

I stopped objectifying women.

Firstly, and very unexpectedly; I say unexpectedly because I had absolutely no idea I was doing this, I stopped objectifying women. Fuck, those words just came out of my mouth. Once upon a time I would imagine having sex with pretty much every mildly attractive women that I came across. It seemed so normal, all my mates did, and I could not help it. The thoughts would simply manifest in my mind whether I wanted them to or not. What would she be like in bed, I’d wonder. Fuck I’d love to bend her over the counter… I’m disgusted in myself as I write these down… I just couldn’t help it. Not to mention the constant head checks I’d be making or sneaking glances as a beautiful woman walked by.

Sex is WAY better!

Secondly, sex is WAY better! I’m sure there is some confounding factors here however, sex is absolutely amazing.

“Without porn, you stop projecting your fetishes onto the experience, rather, you’ll let the experience unravel as happens.”

Now… Let’s keep in mind that it’s not all about you, or all about me here. The important point is that sex is better for both parties. Because really, all of this discussion would mean nothing if it worked only for the individual and not the couple.

  1. When you’re less anxious you are more aware of the moment. Therefore, you no longer need to project those depraved fantasies to become excited; finally
  2. This allows the brain to rewire itself for attraction to real women, and to respond to them with intense sexual arousal.

Significantly more secure and self-respecting.

Thirdly. I’m pretty friendly, always have been. I like chatting with people, and I also like chatting them up. Not because I want to take them home, or start a relationship, but simply to make myself feel okay. Like I have value in society. Fuck, another one of those realisations about myself I’m not proud of. Yet now, I feel no urge to flirt with random people for validation; face it, that’s mostly why we do it. I feel completely secure in myself. The humorous end to this is that I also seem to be getting much more attention. Still, instead of reacting to it with a desire to be validated I smile politely and continue on.

More productive and driven.

Finally, and this seems to be compounded by the feelings above, I am way more productive and driven. I’m just always ready to win!!! I’m working longer hours, and I’m super motivated to. I believe I can be successful and I am driving this ship forward!!!

How can you do this too?

So, in my experience life is way better after porn, but how did I actually get there?

Step 1 — Get an accountability buddy.

The first thing I did was get an accountability buddy. This is someone who you can rely on, who will keep you accountable to your goal and someone you can talk to if you are struggling. In my opinion, I feel it’s important that you know them well, they know you, and you trust each other. I was fortunate enough to have a good mate who, he too, wanted to give up the drug, and we were able to work together. When I was struggling he would just say:

Step 2 — Keep a log book.

Two, I’ve kept a log book. I’ve built myself what I’m calling a “Personal Success Dashboard” which outlines a number of repeating behaviours I want to employ in my life each day. One of these behaviours is of course, NO PORN! Each day that goes by I log this in and it provides me with a great source of motivation to stay clean, and a picture of just how far I’ve come.

Step 3 — Avoid adult material like the plague.

Three, I actively avoid ALL adult material. Even those of the softest form as they can most definitely be a trigger. AND, if I’m really beginning to struggle, I will quickly “rub one out”, as the reduction in sexual tension can stop me from wanting to seek further sexual stimulation of the artificial kind.

Step 4 — Understand your triggers and swap them out.

Four. With any learned behaviour a trigger is something that sets off a cascade of subsequent behaviour, or behaviours. For the porn user this might be boredom, or being home alone. It might be simply getting into bed and switching off the light. Make an effort to understand a) when you use porn and b) what the preceding action was. At this point, you can then actively change it for something else. For me, it was simply the thing I did before I went to sleep. Acknowledging this I switched it for YouTube rather than YouPorn and it has seemed to work. Understandably, watching a screen before bed is not the best option but it’s certainly better than the former.

Step 5 — Embrace sexual transmutation.

Five, and this is somewhat antithetical to the previous comment, even if I feel like masturbating I remind myself of two things. First; I remind myself just how productive I am when I use that sexual energy for other pursuits. They call it sexual transmutation. But essentially it involves taking that sexual energy and putting it into an activity other than sex. Secondly, I remind myself of how much better love making will be if I wait, and use that energy there!

Step 6 — You MUST be 100% in!

Sixth, and likely finally, is focus and commitment. It’s probably the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn in life, as I really like to keep my options open, and I’m a bit of a scatter brain, but 100% commitment is WAY easier than 99% commitment, and it also brings disproportionate results! Who’d have thought?

My Ask to You

If giving up pornography is something you’ve been considering, or reading this has made you think it’s something you probably should, then why not give it a go? Whether it be a 7 day commitment, a 30 day commitment or a lifetime commitment, what have you got to lose? Seriously, I could not have imagined how much better life would be without it, and even though I know I’m not out of the woods yet; I still have to actively manage this, I don’t ever want to go back to that place. Life is fucking amazing, it gets better every day, and not watching some cheap pixels on a screen is definitely worth the cost!

Always curious. Sales professional. Science & philosophy nerd.

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